Caught Sleeping at Your Desk…? Try this!

Have you ever felt so sleepy during your office hours that you had to sleep on your desk or fear that you might die sleepless?? Don’t worry… Just go ahead and sleep your way…. And, in case, you get caught sleeping, all you need to do is pick any of these lines and deliver it well. Let’s check out these lines… shall we?

10.”My doctor told me the prescription drugs can cause this to happen at odd hours but it is normal.”

9.”This is just a 15 minute power nap like they raved about in that time management course HR had sent me to. It leads to creativity, you know!!”

8. “Boss accused me of day dreaming… so, as a challenge, I thought let me try to sleep and actually dream of something wonderful.”

7. “I wasn’t sleeping, I was restating our mission statement and visualizing our company’s progress!”

6. “This is the new Yoga therapy… it is somewhat like meditation!”

5. “Was I sleeping? Really… can’t believe it! Didn’t realize when that happened… The last thing I remember is I was writing this email to one of our difficult clients and could be… that time…”

4. “Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out an excellent solution to our biggest problem. Now, I have to recall what that was!”

3. “Do not blame me… My cat taught me this trick…! So, you’ve got to blame the cat…! ”

2. “Someone from the 7th floor must have put a sleeping pill in my water bottle… you know how much those 7th floor executives hate us…!”

1. ” …..in God’s name, Amen.” (With God, it always works and God won’t mind surely!)

Sweet Dreams! 🙂

 

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What’s on your T-shirt?

Here’s a collection of T-shirt lines that can enhance your image [or spoil it]! You may have come across some of these while the rest should be really unique!

On the T-shirt (front):-

  1. Hell does not want me N I don’t want to be in heaven!
  2. Recession affects me also… I borrowed this one!
  3. I’m available… Conditions apply!
  4. I’m not totally useless… U can use me as a bad example.
  5. Take my advice… I am not using it anyways…!
  6. Take me… I’m easily recharged and affordable!
  7. As I said before, I do not REPEAT myself!
  8. At the end of the money, I have always some month left!!
  9. I started out with Nuthin… I still have most of it!
  10. My imaginary friend thinks you have mental problems…!
  11. Boredom is a syndrome I get and tend to pass it on!
  12. Don’t come close… I spread!
  13. Come closer… (in big text) U have to anyways, to read this! (written in small text)
  14. What’s my problem? YOU!
  15. Oops! You did it again!
  16. I am Ok… don’t know about you!
  17. I am a perfect idiot atleast! (with a smiley)
  18. My ATM has a mobile number! But, Dad rarely picks my call.
  19. Marriages are made in heaven… who’s spreading this?
  20. My pet name is U FOOL!
  21. You get out of my way or I will… (with a big smiley)
  22. Hello! What’s your size?
  23. Lucky you… You would have had me!
  24. Money is not my choice… Lend me some!
  25. I am too clever for U, so don’t bother me!
  26. Bored with life? Try me!
  27. I am committed… I committed suicide once!
  28. Gravity is a state of mind… You do fall when you are OFF!
  29. I am what you were looking for!
  30. If I am nobody, I am perfect.
  31. AM I YOUR TYPE? I BELONG TO ANY TYPE.
  32. What makes you think I am insane? Tell  me soon or I will take off my clothes & dance naked.
  33. I don’t like girls… I don’t like boys also!
  34. I love myself… & I can’t take it anymore!
  35. Hey, we are living! There are no aliens!
  36. Someday I will get lucky… till then I will wait!
  37. How gay is me? I dated myself!
  38. Hey gorgeous! (in big text) I say that to myself! (in small text)
  39. I wish I was invisible… but no one sees me anyways!
  40. You’ve got Problems? I will give one too…! (with a devilish kind of smiley)
  41. You are an idiot… me too… lets party.
  42. What is your problem? Girlfriend or no girlfriend?
  43. Have fun… it is easy!
  44. I am smart, sexy & you need to pay the bill.
  45. I am single, available and lovable!
  46. What is your problem, you inscrutable, disgusting, insensitive beast!
  47. Nothing tastes like ice-cream… & I am nothing!!
  48. Sure, let’s make it happen tonite!
  49. I never said never in my life! That’s never my policy & never my line!
  50. Who said earth is round? We are all dizzy, u know?
  51. I am totally worth your Money!
  52. I don’t drink & drive… if it’s my car!!
  53. People are funny… they take this personally!
  54. Note: I could be sleep-walking!
  55. Dare to hate me! 
  56. Reality is an illusion caused by alcohol deficiency (with a half-empty beer glass picture).
  57. Tomorrow is a Future… Live now.
  58. Death is an experience… I died once!
  59. Alright, I am sorry!! UNF**K YOU!
  60. If I was a geek I would have done nothing to impress U!
  61. I am a MESS! (Mighty Enormous Super Size)
  62. I work hard, day & night to get lazy!
  63. I am bad, mad & sad… not necessarily in the same order.
  64. I am Lost! Find me!
  65. Am I your lucky sign!
  66. I took over Hell! Wanna come?
  67. Rule No. 1 – I have no rules!
  68. I don’t do married!
  69. Who cares for a, e, o… let’s focus on i and u…
  70. Forget it… Forget you read this!

Go Naked to Work!!

TEN GREAT REASONS TO GO TO OFFICE NAKED….!

LET’S BEGIN IN THE REVERSE ORDER –

10. No one will ever dare to steal your chair again… they would be scared that you might spread nakedness!

9. You can show off your new tan & that tattoo which was always hidden. In case, you are trying for a six packs or a flat tummy that also will show. You can use this opportunity to show-off your new sneakers/sandals as well!

8. This will divert the attention from the fact that you came to work late & drunk apart from over-shooting deadlines & pending jobs.

7. Now, you can actually declare that you are a member of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) with all your sincerity & love for those naked animals.

6. You want to see how many will be inspired from you. This will test your popularity also.

5. It will stop those tech savvy IT guys/gals from looking down your blouse (or pants!).

4. “I’d love to contribute… but you know what, I left my wallet in my pants.” And, there is no question of lies here. It depicts your integrity levels and next time, people may forget to include you in fund-raising.

3. It’s a certain way to finally meet that ‘special’ person in the HR Department who by the way was not even aware of your existence (until now!).

2. You can take advantage of being photographed & pinned on the bulletin/notice boards. It is high time that others notice you & now the management can really consider you for the (much awaited) promotion.

And … this is it… the Number One reason to go to work naked:

1. Your boss will never say, “I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00 A.M. every morning!” ever again.

BONUS Reading:

Your Boss’s, management’s and HR’s  likely reactions to your coming naked to office –

a. If your Boss is a guy & u r also a guy then the Boss’s reaction is:

He will be jealous of your well maintained physique, toned muscles & your about to develop six packs. He will not fire you but you will definitely wish you were!!

b. If your Boss is a guy & u r a girl then his reaction is:

He will forget about all your mistakes, pending work, give you a good appraisal & then will tell you to join “Baywatch” and the like. Did you think he would actually admire you??? Maybe he will if he watches you in Baywatch. After all, he’s a man!

c. If your Boss is a lady & u r a guy then her reaction is:

She will observe everybody’s reactions & then ask you to give tips to her husband on how to be comfortable at being naked. If she’s unmarried, then well, she could play dirty with you provided you let her!

d. If your Boss is a lady & u r a girl then her reaction is:

First, she will compare her own body with yours. Then she will try to find out directly or indirectly what cosmetics & methods you use to maintain yourself. Next, she will consult with HR & see that you are fired on the basis that you used your charm to seduce male colleagues.

e. HR Department reactions:

They would feel that you have violated employee code of conduct & negatively affected the work environment. They would ask you to come for a discussion & check with you if you need any counseling support. All you have to do is –  ask them ‘where in the code of conduct manual is it written that an employee cannot come naked to office’ ? Of course, it wouldn’t be written explicitly anywhere.

If they negotiate with you on your pay or non-monetary benefits, take it as a positive step but stick to this one point – say, ‘you have not misused or broken any human rights or employee code’. Before the discussion ends, ensure that you have fixed the dinner date with that ‘special’ person.   

f. Management reaction:

Now that you put the management in a great dilemma, they wouldn’t respond to the situation immediately. After a week or so, you will certainly be called for a meeting and there, they would demand an explanation from you. You may not receive any memo or warnings, but then you have your trump card. There won’t be any meeting if you put a condition that you will attend this meeting posing ‘naked’ again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Humor can be sick but humor can relieve you from being sick… Keep Laughing and Have Fun! Thanks!

More Love Quotes – all original

  1. There are no time limits for love and yet there is a time to love.
  2. Don’t fall in love, let love fall into you.
  3. True love has nothing to do with Truth!
  4. Love is complicated simplicity!
  5. Spare me or spare love!
  6. Love is free and yet you have to set free your love.
  7. Whoever said ‘love is blind’ surely didn’t look into it clearly.
  8. If it is worth it, it is love. If it isn’t worth it, it is still love.
  9. Love has no language… love is the language!
  10. Love hurts and you thought it was a funny feeling!
  11. When in love it is only heart… never mind!
  12. Love is not a relationship… it is a means to a relationship.
  13. People don’t fall in love because love is blind, but because they start walking on air instead of solid ground!
  14. Don’t treat love as a game… if you keep scores, then play scrabble where every word and letter counts.
  15. Only cupid strikes… but… not love… ever!

The CAT

Compared to the dog lovers in this world, I know there are only as much takers for Cats. For me, I love cats and that doesn’t mean I hate dogs. Although I am neutral in my feelings towards dogs (excluding puppies… they are cute), I never ever can say that I have a neutral relationship towards cats. Besides, if you’ve got a cat, try being indifferent to them… they won’t let you! However, they have the birthright to be neutral towards you. And, you got to bear that kind of treatment.

Honestly, I have seen several kittens and cats in my neighborhood and other places. In fact, I had two cats in my home… and then four cats of my neighbors. I loved my tom cat… More specifically, I adore cats… these sweet creatures are simply irresistible. Without elaborating more, I would just like to mention the general tendencies of cats and this is based on my observations & being amongst them. So, let’s begin –

1)     You cannot place the cat under general category… coz each cat is unique & they have their own special and distinctive tendencies. They know that as well and you got to respect this principle.

2)     Like many people would agree, you don’t own the cat really. Yes, you never can be their master… you are their keeper. And, that in other words only means you are an employee who doesn’t get paid for your efforts in taking care of them. They think you owe it to them.

3)     When you love the cat, that love is unconditional for you. Not for the cat! They won’t promise you anything.

4)     You should respect the cat always. The minute you cross the line, you will immediately realise all this while, they pretended to respect you! And, that realisation my friend, hurts bad.

5)     The cat only has Rights… Most duties are delegated to you. And when I say Rights, they are –

  • Right to sleep anywhere and everywhere
  • Right to stare at anything and anyone for any length of time
  • Right to play with anything and everything including you
  • Right to disobey (and obey whenever they fancy)
  • Right to pretend
  • Right to ignore you
  • Right to feel highly intellectual (and mind you, most of them are!)
  • Right to love or hate milk
  • Right to know everything
  • Right to claim you and your home as theirs

6)     It doesn’t matter if you are tired, busy or occupied with something… when the cat demands attention, you better give it otherwise the next time, they won’t respond to your calls.

7)     Once in a while, the cat will give you undivided attention, care and total companionship… you will feel blessed! Actually, you should feel lucky… it means they have deeply thought about you sometime in the immediate past.   

8)     Never try to change the cat’s habits or routines. It won’t help you or the cat’s stubborn nature. It is much better to adapt your schedules and habits to theirs. This way, it is win-win situation.

9)     Admit it… the cat knows much more about what’s going around in your home and neighborhood. They also know more about you than you yourself. The plus point is they don’t care or boast of their knowledge.

10) Do you think cats are funny? Don’t! Cats believe in sophistication, mature thought processes and a certain level of insanity (which by the way you mistook as funny)

11) Never mind if the cat comes to you, sits on your lap, stares at you, cuddles you or allows you to cuddle… there is an intention and there is a motive. Yes, to love you also is a motive for them.

12) The litter box is yours… the cat only has a job to do in there.

13) Being lazy and sleeping throughout the day is only one of the cat’s activities. You have to think they put efforts into that.

14) For the cat, outside is a place for never ending curiosity. So, they keep exploring the unknown. Skip the panic if they don’t return for days. Besides, their curiosity levels need new dimensions.

15) The cat knows exactly what you speak to them, the tone in which you speak, your intentions & and your mood. Pity is you won’t know how they are taking it. Don’t be surprised if you get the silent treatment or they just keep staring at you.

16) Never fight with the cat or hit them. They may bear it but you risk losing your patience, energy and time. And, you must be aware that the cat has nine lives. The cat will not object to your show of little violence but beware… they are cats and they are naturally wild no matter how much you pet. You could easily find a dead rat or squirrel under your sofa or bed if not above it.

17)     Forget it… you will never win the staring contest with the cat. The cat is the master of staring game.

18)     If you know the cat’s weaknesses don’t ever use it against them. They will take it seriously and hate you for that. And trust me… you don’t want to be the object of the cat’s hatred. It would be much better if the cat ignored you.

19)     Do not curse or swear in front of the cat. No… please, don’t ask me why or why not… Just don’t do it ever.

20)     Of course, you can celebrate the cat’s birthday. However, the cat will not attach any importance to the occasion. The cat lives a year in every 24 hours. So, every moment is special occasion to the cat.

21)     Do not worry about the cat’s relations with other cats. They know the intricacies of relationships and its dimensions.

22)     The cat will have reservations about certain things. You got to know those things and value that. This is a sure way to win over the cat. Yes… they will observe your behavior towards it.

23)     The cat rarely gets sentimental. But, they will have mood swings and it can be based on anything and anyone such as the weather or the texture of your bedspread or your neighbor’s little girl or the maid or it maybe simply you and your voice!   

24)     The cat loves cleanliness and so don’t get duped with the mess made by the cat. It is just to test you and you pass the test when you clean the mess up. Simple, isn’t it?

25)     Love the cat with all your heart but set the cat free. If your love is true, the cat will come back to you. If it isn’t, hopefully the cat wouldn’t mind it.

Meaaoooww always!

Animated Treats!

They are all from Hollywood. Some of them may have sequels and follow-up on those sequels as well. Without any particular order of liking or preference, I present to you my list of most Enjoyable animated movies which are also refreshingly creative & fun to watch… Here they are put according to their respective release years –

The Land Before Time (1988) – Before Jurassic Park, there was this movie about dinosaurs, more specifically a small dinosaur family that live, adapt, defend amongst other clans/species of dinosaurs. The movie introduces ‘Littlefoot’ dinosaur & his gang of friends who discover new adventures & are a part of so many happenings around them. Having thirteen series in all, the last one being in 2007, I am yet to watch most of its parts. The first 4 parts that I have seen are wonderful especially the visuals, sound effects, storyline, character voices… everything about it good and clean, establish an immediate rapport with kids.

Alladin (1992) – Most of us are aware of the classic story of Alladin and his wonderful lamp. In this movie, a young boy named Alladin who is a petty thief finds a magical Jeanie in an antique lamp & with its help becomes a prince. The good intentions of Alladin are very clear & the blue coloured Jeanie is more than happy to serve his sincere master rather than obeying cruel, selfish ones. Disney’s Alladin became such a huge hit that several small TV episodes of Alladin were made for kids. The palace in the movie became a symbolic representation even in the Disneyland. Humour quotient is high in this movie & in its immediate sequel ‘The Return of Jafar’ as well. Characters do engage in brief songs which are actually tuned dialogues & this enhances the visuals and story.

The Lion King (1994) – A must watch film purely due to the feelings & emotions expressed in this movie … A story surrounding a pride of lions and their king who is cunningly killed by the bad brother. The storyline reveals all the basic human components of joy, playfulness, innocence, responsibilities, greed, ambition, power, determination, revenge, luck, friendship, values… in short, it has it all. These positives and negatives revolving in the life struggles of the young lion cub, Simba and how he was destined to be next king depicts the essence of Lion King. The Lion King will soon be released again in 3D. The cheer songs, dance moves and visuals will only appear better then.

A Bug’s Life (1998) – An ant… not so lazy but quite underestimated and unrecognised for its work attempts to save its helpless colony from a few dictatorial grasshoppers by seeking assistance from the outsiders. These outsiders are different types of bugs who performed in a circus but now are jobless. But, would these bugs really help ‘Flik’ and its colony when they themselves are unsure about the real purpose or what they are supposed to do? No… they won’t but how this heroic ant convinces all and commits to end the tyranny of its enemies is nice to watch. The message this movie delivers is subtle yet strong but the title could have been better though.

Monsters Inc. (2001) – Very few kids want their moms or dads to tell them a bed-time story about monsters. Why? Because kids are predictably scared of dark when its time for monsters to lurk around. That’s the theme of Monsters Inc movie in which monsters run a company & each monster has been assigned a kid’s bedroom door for them to enter & do their job of scaring. The more a kid screams or yells or cries, more will be the points scored by the monster which in turn helps in the smooth running of the company or something like that. Hell breaks out when a small girl accidentally enters the company premises through ‘the door’ from where her monster enters the bedroom… Monsters believe children are highly contaminated & can affect their working and want to get rid of the girl. Hilarious and good imaginative movie…! I think a sequel is due for this one.

Ice Age (2002) – As the name itself suggests, it is a movie about ice age and the creatures existed then… like the mammoths, sabre-toothed cats, large sloths, big squirrels and other extras. I could say the main characters are made to look like elephants, tigers and chipmunks of the ice age. Ray Romano’s voice is perfect for Manny mammoth, the main lead of the movie. Ice Age has already three sequels to its credit and all three are the best especially the Meltdown in which glaciers starts melting making the animals move to safer places. This is when Manny meets his lady love and by the end of part three, they have a family. Expecting more sequels to Ice age…

Madagascar (2005) – Frankly, the first time I watched this movie on a TV channel, I was wondering about the quality of animation and why Alex, the lion didn’t look like a real lion or why Marty, the zebra’s mouth looked bad…!! I just couldn’t focus on the story or the theme…! When I happened to watch the movie again after a gap, I decided to follow the story, dialogues… meaning, actually listen to the great voices & watch the movie. Then, the magic of Madagascar began to cast a spell on me… I loved the movie… its concept of animals in the zoo forming a cross-species friendship bond, funny lines & slangs uttered by the leads, their respective dreams/aspirations & how they view humans. When Escape 2 Africa released, I couldn’t wait to watch it on the silver screen. I did & it proved that I could watch this movie any number of times. Most amazing is the pool of talented voices behind the characters really indicates total team-work.

Ratatouille (2007) – ‘Anybody can cook’ & after watching this movie, even a rat can!! Yes… a street rat named ‘Remy’ has a passion for cooking & heartily follows his iconic chef who has died recently & left his classic Paris restaurant to keep up reputation solely with the brand name. Remy knows a lot about recipes than most human chefs do. Somehow in the middle of situational goof-ups, he ends up cooking in discretion for this same restaurant, maintaining the secrecy while the credit goes to the garbage fellow who appreciates the rat’s talent and forms a friendship with him. Even with no big laughter & no nonsense, this movie is solid, strong, story-based and stunning. The direction is too good & maybe that’s why ‘Ratatouille’ won an OSCAR for best animation movie apart from other awards. At the end, you might just get a feeling whether rats can actually cook!!

Kung Fu Panda (2008) – Yes… it is Kung Fu in China alright… & then there is this big, fat panda ‘Po’ who is a little bit stupid as well. He is inspired by Kung Fu & adores the ‘furious five’ animals who have already mastered Kung Fu under the training & guidance from their Master Shifu. Owing it to the destiny & twist of fates, he becomes the envisioned ‘Dragon Warrior’ who can protect the Valley & entire China from any evil. But, there is a problem… he has to master Kung Fu art, has to earn goodwill from the team of ‘furious five’ & above all meet up to Shifu’s training methods & expectations. How he does it & how long he takes to do it is the foundation of the movie. After all, Po has to face real enemies upfront leaving his so called self-struggles. With Kung Fu Panda 2 already on screens, we can only wait to watch more animated action as well as listen to amazing star voices behind the main characters.

Rio (2011) – One word description for Rio is ‘ADORABLE’. Isn’t it sad to see an exotic macaw bird from South America can’t fly? When very small, cute ‘Blu’ the hero of this movie is taken by unscrupulous people away from his native land of Rio for money of course, his box accidentlly falls out of the van & a nice young girl by name Linda picks it up. She raises Blu, feeds him, talks to him but unfortunately cannot teach him to fly. But, he is happy to eat, sing, talk & be in his cage. The story gains momentum when a bird scientist finds out about Blu and tells Linda that Blu is the only male species remaining & immediate measures have to be taken to ensure these species don’t get extinct. So, Linda brings Blu to Rio to unite with the only female who is under the scientist’s observation. Once in Rio, Blu has to let go of his off-flying modes & discover his true self with help from Jewel, the female macaw & other friends he makes. This movie has spectacular visuals of Rio, sweet character voices & expressions particularly of Blu & the villain cockatoo bird, Nigel. May I have a sequel please…!

Thank you & in case you are interested to read my list of top ten toons, do check them out as well.

Nobody is Ugly Betty

‘Beauty lies in the eyes of beholder and in the hands of surgeons!’ Today, when we say ‘A thing of beauty is joy forever’ most people especially women folk would literally want it to last forever. With all sorts of modern and cosmetic treatments available such as the Botox, liposuction, laser-surgery, implant-surgery, being beautiful on the outside is no longer restricted to age, stardom or considered exclusive. If you want it and you can afford it, it’s yours. Even side-effects are side-lined.

Is that why different varieties of facial creams, skin creams, beauty lotions, anti-ageing mix and such other types of product brands have been raiding the marketplace lately? Are they not aggressively advertised to woo the beauty conscious segments and keep them away from surgical beauty?

But then, what happens to the traditional beauty parlours and saloons…? What will beauticians do if people prefer to find their way to the surgical room rather than visit a parlour?

Not to worry actually… Just like supermarkets and hypermarkets cannot undermine the neighbourhood grocery stores, beauty parlours will remain as the ideal remedy for beauty solutions. And, of course surgeons don’t do routine jobs as plucking or shaping eye-brows or giving a facial massage.  

To get to the funny side of it, here are some statements that can straight away make its entry in a beautician’s work diary

  1. I don’t have to face job problems… my job is ‘Face problems!’
  2. They say ‘Beauty lies in the eyes of a beholder’ but sometimes I am forced to believe that ‘Beauty is lies’ or that ‘Beauty and the Beast are one & the same!’
  3. Never say beauty is skin deep otherwise no one would visit beauty parlours/saloons.
  4. My motto is ‘To beautify always’ but my secret motto is ‘Sparkle the mirrors with extra shine always’
  5. I could have tried being celebrity hair-stylist but then anybody can cut.
  6. Appearance is indeed deceptive.
  7. I am beautiful inside but my job is to make outside beautiful.
  8. A natural remedy for glowing skin is what I would look for but when it comes to people, they don’t want inner glow… they want instant glow… so, I rely on cosmetics.
  9. Today, I can’t say whether beauty spots are easier to find or spotting a beauty!!
  10. At least, people are honest in showing their real self while coming here.
  11. Being naturally good-looking – there isn’t such a thing these days…!!
  12. I will never call anybody ugly… the mirror does that job.
  13. Some people want to change their looks so badly that they end up looking bad but still like it only because it is different…!
  14. Sensitive skinned have to make-up their minds before they try make-up.
  15. Now the times are such that occasionally, I have to ask my customers as to which are their natural parts…!
  16. Age, wisdom and beauty – I can inter-relate all 3 in one go – As one’s age increases so does her/his wisdom to adopt modern methods to bring back beauty.

All of you who have read this… thanks… coz ‘you are Beautiful!!’ 🙂

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