Caught Sleeping at Your Desk…? Try this!

Have you ever felt so sleepy during your office hours that you had to sleep on your desk or fear that you might die sleepless?? Don’t worry… Just go ahead and sleep your way…. And, in case, you get caught sleeping, all you need to do is pick any of these lines and deliver it well. Let’s check out these lines… shall we?

10.”My doctor told me the prescription drugs can cause this to happen at odd hours but it is normal.”

9.”This is just a 15 minute power nap like they raved about in that time management course HR had sent me to. It leads to creativity, you know!!”

8. “Boss accused me of day dreaming… so, as a challenge, I thought let me try to sleep and actually dream of something wonderful.”

7. “I wasn’t sleeping, I was restating our mission statement and visualizing our company’s progress!”

6. “This is the new Yoga therapy… it is somewhat like meditation!”

5. “Was I sleeping? Really… can’t believe it! Didn’t realize when that happened… The last thing I remember is I was writing this email to one of our difficult clients and could be… that time…”

4. “Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out an excellent solution to our biggest problem. Now, I have to recall what that was!”

3. “Do not blame me… My cat taught me this trick…! So, you’ve got to blame the cat…! ”

2. “Someone from the 7th floor must have put a sleeping pill in my water bottle… you know how much those 7th floor executives hate us…!”

1. ” …..in God’s name, Amen.” (With God, it always works and God won’t mind surely!)

Sweet Dreams! 🙂

 

Go Naked to Work!!

TEN GREAT REASONS TO GO TO OFFICE NAKED….!

LET’S BEGIN IN THE REVERSE ORDER –

10. No one will ever dare to steal your chair again… they would be scared that you might spread nakedness!

9. You can show off your new tan & that tattoo which was always hidden. In case, you are trying for a six packs or a flat tummy that also will show. You can use this opportunity to show-off your new sneakers/sandals as well!

8. This will divert the attention from the fact that you came to work late & drunk apart from over-shooting deadlines & pending jobs.

7. Now, you can actually declare that you are a member of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) with all your sincerity & love for those naked animals.

6. You want to see how many will be inspired from you. This will test your popularity also.

5. It will stop those tech savvy IT guys/gals from looking down your blouse (or pants!).

4. “I’d love to contribute… but you know what, I left my wallet in my pants.” And, there is no question of lies here. It depicts your integrity levels and next time, people may forget to include you in fund-raising.

3. It’s a certain way to finally meet that ‘special’ person in the HR Department who by the way was not even aware of your existence (until now!).

2. You can take advantage of being photographed & pinned on the bulletin/notice boards. It is high time that others notice you & now the management can really consider you for the (much awaited) promotion.

And … this is it… the Number One reason to go to work naked:

1. Your boss will never say, “I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00 A.M. every morning!” ever again.

BONUS Reading:

Your Boss’s, management’s and HR’s  likely reactions to your coming naked to office –

a. If your Boss is a guy & u r also a guy then the Boss’s reaction is:

He will be jealous of your well maintained physique, toned muscles & your about to develop six packs. He will not fire you but you will definitely wish you were!!

b. If your Boss is a guy & u r a girl then his reaction is:

He will forget about all your mistakes, pending work, give you a good appraisal & then will tell you to join “Baywatch” and the like. Did you think he would actually admire you??? Maybe he will if he watches you in Baywatch. After all, he’s a man!

c. If your Boss is a lady & u r a guy then her reaction is:

She will observe everybody’s reactions & then ask you to give tips to her husband on how to be comfortable at being naked. If she’s unmarried, then well, she could play dirty with you provided you let her!

d. If your Boss is a lady & u r a girl then her reaction is:

First, she will compare her own body with yours. Then she will try to find out directly or indirectly what cosmetics & methods you use to maintain yourself. Next, she will consult with HR & see that you are fired on the basis that you used your charm to seduce male colleagues.

e. HR Department reactions:

They would feel that you have violated employee code of conduct & negatively affected the work environment. They would ask you to come for a discussion & check with you if you need any counseling support. All you have to do is –  ask them ‘where in the code of conduct manual is it written that an employee cannot come naked to office’ ? Of course, it wouldn’t be written explicitly anywhere.

If they negotiate with you on your pay or non-monetary benefits, take it as a positive step but stick to this one point – say, ‘you have not misused or broken any human rights or employee code’. Before the discussion ends, ensure that you have fixed the dinner date with that ‘special’ person.   

f. Management reaction:

Now that you put the management in a great dilemma, they wouldn’t respond to the situation immediately. After a week or so, you will certainly be called for a meeting and there, they would demand an explanation from you. You may not receive any memo or warnings, but then you have your trump card. There won’t be any meeting if you put a condition that you will attend this meeting posing ‘naked’ again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Humor can be sick but humor can relieve you from being sick… Keep Laughing and Have Fun! Thanks!

Rich, poor, middle

Here, I present my original collection of light humour based on the ‘society’ realities. I believe any humour has a sardonic touch of reality and facts in it.

 

Poor – make ends meet to manage a daily bread

Rich – throw parties to feed the other rich

Middle class – eat on the run!

 

Poor – wish for a television set

Rich – show-off their television screens

Middle class – don’t have time to watch TV!

 

Poor – look at a airplane amazed

Rich – live in amazing planes

Middle class – wait for the delayed plane!

 

Poor – have a humble holiday at home

Rich – have an exotic vacation abroad

Middle class – Thank God, there is a Sunday!

 

Poor – family comes first

Rich – I come first

Middle class – Boss comes first!

 

Poor – bear the adjustment

Rich – barely do the adjustment

Middle class – adjust!

 

Poor – save every penny

Rich – have Swiss accounts

Middle class – pay taxes and EMIs!

 

Poor – enjoy the sun and breeze

Rich – enjoy with the heater and cooler

Middle class – am I bothered about the temperature?!!

 

Poor – love don’t cost a thing

Rich – love every ‘thing’

Middle class – love is God, God help me!

Hope you liked it!

(You can find this blog at my blog site on The Speaking Tree at http://www.speakingtree.in/public/80xy68b9z8na8zwlx9wwuvu4i/blogs)

The CAT

Compared to the dog lovers in this world, I know there are only as much takers for Cats. For me, I love cats and that doesn’t mean I hate dogs. Although I am neutral in my feelings towards dogs (excluding puppies… they are cute), I never ever can say that I have a neutral relationship towards cats. Besides, if you’ve got a cat, try being indifferent to them… they won’t let you! However, they have the birthright to be neutral towards you. And, you got to bear that kind of treatment.

Honestly, I have seen several kittens and cats in my neighborhood and other places. In fact, I had two cats in my home… and then four cats of my neighbors. I loved my tom cat… More specifically, I adore cats… these sweet creatures are simply irresistible. Without elaborating more, I would just like to mention the general tendencies of cats and this is based on my observations & being amongst them. So, let’s begin –

1)     You cannot place the cat under general category… coz each cat is unique & they have their own special and distinctive tendencies. They know that as well and you got to respect this principle.

2)     Like many people would agree, you don’t own the cat really. Yes, you never can be their master… you are their keeper. And, that in other words only means you are an employee who doesn’t get paid for your efforts in taking care of them. They think you owe it to them.

3)     When you love the cat, that love is unconditional for you. Not for the cat! They won’t promise you anything.

4)     You should respect the cat always. The minute you cross the line, you will immediately realise all this while, they pretended to respect you! And, that realisation my friend, hurts bad.

5)     The cat only has Rights… Most duties are delegated to you. And when I say Rights, they are –

  • Right to sleep anywhere and everywhere
  • Right to stare at anything and anyone for any length of time
  • Right to play with anything and everything including you
  • Right to disobey (and obey whenever they fancy)
  • Right to pretend
  • Right to ignore you
  • Right to feel highly intellectual (and mind you, most of them are!)
  • Right to love or hate milk
  • Right to know everything
  • Right to claim you and your home as theirs

6)     It doesn’t matter if you are tired, busy or occupied with something… when the cat demands attention, you better give it otherwise the next time, they won’t respond to your calls.

7)     Once in a while, the cat will give you undivided attention, care and total companionship… you will feel blessed! Actually, you should feel lucky… it means they have deeply thought about you sometime in the immediate past.   

8)     Never try to change the cat’s habits or routines. It won’t help you or the cat’s stubborn nature. It is much better to adapt your schedules and habits to theirs. This way, it is win-win situation.

9)     Admit it… the cat knows much more about what’s going around in your home and neighborhood. They also know more about you than you yourself. The plus point is they don’t care or boast of their knowledge.

10) Do you think cats are funny? Don’t! Cats believe in sophistication, mature thought processes and a certain level of insanity (which by the way you mistook as funny)

11) Never mind if the cat comes to you, sits on your lap, stares at you, cuddles you or allows you to cuddle… there is an intention and there is a motive. Yes, to love you also is a motive for them.

12) The litter box is yours… the cat only has a job to do in there.

13) Being lazy and sleeping throughout the day is only one of the cat’s activities. You have to think they put efforts into that.

14) For the cat, outside is a place for never ending curiosity. So, they keep exploring the unknown. Skip the panic if they don’t return for days. Besides, their curiosity levels need new dimensions.

15) The cat knows exactly what you speak to them, the tone in which you speak, your intentions & and your mood. Pity is you won’t know how they are taking it. Don’t be surprised if you get the silent treatment or they just keep staring at you.

16) Never fight with the cat or hit them. They may bear it but you risk losing your patience, energy and time. And, you must be aware that the cat has nine lives. The cat will not object to your show of little violence but beware… they are cats and they are naturally wild no matter how much you pet. You could easily find a dead rat or squirrel under your sofa or bed if not above it.

17)     Forget it… you will never win the staring contest with the cat. The cat is the master of staring game.

18)     If you know the cat’s weaknesses don’t ever use it against them. They will take it seriously and hate you for that. And trust me… you don’t want to be the object of the cat’s hatred. It would be much better if the cat ignored you.

19)     Do not curse or swear in front of the cat. No… please, don’t ask me why or why not… Just don’t do it ever.

20)     Of course, you can celebrate the cat’s birthday. However, the cat will not attach any importance to the occasion. The cat lives a year in every 24 hours. So, every moment is special occasion to the cat.

21)     Do not worry about the cat’s relations with other cats. They know the intricacies of relationships and its dimensions.

22)     The cat will have reservations about certain things. You got to know those things and value that. This is a sure way to win over the cat. Yes… they will observe your behavior towards it.

23)     The cat rarely gets sentimental. But, they will have mood swings and it can be based on anything and anyone such as the weather or the texture of your bedspread or your neighbor’s little girl or the maid or it maybe simply you and your voice!   

24)     The cat loves cleanliness and so don’t get duped with the mess made by the cat. It is just to test you and you pass the test when you clean the mess up. Simple, isn’t it?

25)     Love the cat with all your heart but set the cat free. If your love is true, the cat will come back to you. If it isn’t, hopefully the cat wouldn’t mind it.

Meaaoooww always!

Animated Treats!

They are all from Hollywood. Some of them may have sequels and follow-up on those sequels as well. Without any particular order of liking or preference, I present to you my list of most Enjoyable animated movies which are also refreshingly creative & fun to watch… Here they are put according to their respective release years –

The Land Before Time (1988) – Before Jurassic Park, there was this movie about dinosaurs, more specifically a small dinosaur family that live, adapt, defend amongst other clans/species of dinosaurs. The movie introduces ‘Littlefoot’ dinosaur & his gang of friends who discover new adventures & are a part of so many happenings around them. Having thirteen series in all, the last one being in 2007, I am yet to watch most of its parts. The first 4 parts that I have seen are wonderful especially the visuals, sound effects, storyline, character voices… everything about it good and clean, establish an immediate rapport with kids.

Alladin (1992) – Most of us are aware of the classic story of Alladin and his wonderful lamp. In this movie, a young boy named Alladin who is a petty thief finds a magical Jeanie in an antique lamp & with its help becomes a prince. The good intentions of Alladin are very clear & the blue coloured Jeanie is more than happy to serve his sincere master rather than obeying cruel, selfish ones. Disney’s Alladin became such a huge hit that several small TV episodes of Alladin were made for kids. The palace in the movie became a symbolic representation even in the Disneyland. Humour quotient is high in this movie & in its immediate sequel ‘The Return of Jafar’ as well. Characters do engage in brief songs which are actually tuned dialogues & this enhances the visuals and story.

The Lion King (1994) – A must watch film purely due to the feelings & emotions expressed in this movie … A story surrounding a pride of lions and their king who is cunningly killed by the bad brother. The storyline reveals all the basic human components of joy, playfulness, innocence, responsibilities, greed, ambition, power, determination, revenge, luck, friendship, values… in short, it has it all. These positives and negatives revolving in the life struggles of the young lion cub, Simba and how he was destined to be next king depicts the essence of Lion King. The Lion King will soon be released again in 3D. The cheer songs, dance moves and visuals will only appear better then.

A Bug’s Life (1998) – An ant… not so lazy but quite underestimated and unrecognised for its work attempts to save its helpless colony from a few dictatorial grasshoppers by seeking assistance from the outsiders. These outsiders are different types of bugs who performed in a circus but now are jobless. But, would these bugs really help ‘Flik’ and its colony when they themselves are unsure about the real purpose or what they are supposed to do? No… they won’t but how this heroic ant convinces all and commits to end the tyranny of its enemies is nice to watch. The message this movie delivers is subtle yet strong but the title could have been better though.

Monsters Inc. (2001) – Very few kids want their moms or dads to tell them a bed-time story about monsters. Why? Because kids are predictably scared of dark when its time for monsters to lurk around. That’s the theme of Monsters Inc movie in which monsters run a company & each monster has been assigned a kid’s bedroom door for them to enter & do their job of scaring. The more a kid screams or yells or cries, more will be the points scored by the monster which in turn helps in the smooth running of the company or something like that. Hell breaks out when a small girl accidentally enters the company premises through ‘the door’ from where her monster enters the bedroom… Monsters believe children are highly contaminated & can affect their working and want to get rid of the girl. Hilarious and good imaginative movie…! I think a sequel is due for this one.

Ice Age (2002) – As the name itself suggests, it is a movie about ice age and the creatures existed then… like the mammoths, sabre-toothed cats, large sloths, big squirrels and other extras. I could say the main characters are made to look like elephants, tigers and chipmunks of the ice age. Ray Romano’s voice is perfect for Manny mammoth, the main lead of the movie. Ice Age has already three sequels to its credit and all three are the best especially the Meltdown in which glaciers starts melting making the animals move to safer places. This is when Manny meets his lady love and by the end of part three, they have a family. Expecting more sequels to Ice age…

Madagascar (2005) – Frankly, the first time I watched this movie on a TV channel, I was wondering about the quality of animation and why Alex, the lion didn’t look like a real lion or why Marty, the zebra’s mouth looked bad…!! I just couldn’t focus on the story or the theme…! When I happened to watch the movie again after a gap, I decided to follow the story, dialogues… meaning, actually listen to the great voices & watch the movie. Then, the magic of Madagascar began to cast a spell on me… I loved the movie… its concept of animals in the zoo forming a cross-species friendship bond, funny lines & slangs uttered by the leads, their respective dreams/aspirations & how they view humans. When Escape 2 Africa released, I couldn’t wait to watch it on the silver screen. I did & it proved that I could watch this movie any number of times. Most amazing is the pool of talented voices behind the characters really indicates total team-work.

Ratatouille (2007) – ‘Anybody can cook’ & after watching this movie, even a rat can!! Yes… a street rat named ‘Remy’ has a passion for cooking & heartily follows his iconic chef who has died recently & left his classic Paris restaurant to keep up reputation solely with the brand name. Remy knows a lot about recipes than most human chefs do. Somehow in the middle of situational goof-ups, he ends up cooking in discretion for this same restaurant, maintaining the secrecy while the credit goes to the garbage fellow who appreciates the rat’s talent and forms a friendship with him. Even with no big laughter & no nonsense, this movie is solid, strong, story-based and stunning. The direction is too good & maybe that’s why ‘Ratatouille’ won an OSCAR for best animation movie apart from other awards. At the end, you might just get a feeling whether rats can actually cook!!

Kung Fu Panda (2008) – Yes… it is Kung Fu in China alright… & then there is this big, fat panda ‘Po’ who is a little bit stupid as well. He is inspired by Kung Fu & adores the ‘furious five’ animals who have already mastered Kung Fu under the training & guidance from their Master Shifu. Owing it to the destiny & twist of fates, he becomes the envisioned ‘Dragon Warrior’ who can protect the Valley & entire China from any evil. But, there is a problem… he has to master Kung Fu art, has to earn goodwill from the team of ‘furious five’ & above all meet up to Shifu’s training methods & expectations. How he does it & how long he takes to do it is the foundation of the movie. After all, Po has to face real enemies upfront leaving his so called self-struggles. With Kung Fu Panda 2 already on screens, we can only wait to watch more animated action as well as listen to amazing star voices behind the main characters.

Rio (2011) – One word description for Rio is ‘ADORABLE’. Isn’t it sad to see an exotic macaw bird from South America can’t fly? When very small, cute ‘Blu’ the hero of this movie is taken by unscrupulous people away from his native land of Rio for money of course, his box accidentlly falls out of the van & a nice young girl by name Linda picks it up. She raises Blu, feeds him, talks to him but unfortunately cannot teach him to fly. But, he is happy to eat, sing, talk & be in his cage. The story gains momentum when a bird scientist finds out about Blu and tells Linda that Blu is the only male species remaining & immediate measures have to be taken to ensure these species don’t get extinct. So, Linda brings Blu to Rio to unite with the only female who is under the scientist’s observation. Once in Rio, Blu has to let go of his off-flying modes & discover his true self with help from Jewel, the female macaw & other friends he makes. This movie has spectacular visuals of Rio, sweet character voices & expressions particularly of Blu & the villain cockatoo bird, Nigel. May I have a sequel please…!

Thank you & in case you are interested to read my list of top ten toons, do check them out as well.

The Top Ten Toons

We all have our favorite cartoons. It hardly matters whether you watched them when you were a kid or you are still watching them along with your kids. For me, Cartoons/animations are more than entertainment… they bring in a sense of imagination, creativity, colors, voice modulations & so much more… Of course, not all cartoons created by mankind make a huge success, some may have less TRP’s or rank low in popularity scales… but even then, there was someone’s innovative & original thought into it.

Right now, let me present to you the Top Ten Toons of all times which I consider as brilliant and to which most of you will definitely agree. Let’s start (with applause – it’s deserving)

No. 10 – The Simpsons – Though I would like to watch more of Simpsons, I just couldn’t watch this series not more than 3 or 4 episodes. I know lot of people love the family of Homer Simpson, it’s won many awards, it’s shown at prime-time, it’s got good TRP’s & sponsors but why do I miss it then? Maybe it’s the mouth of the characters that turns me off but still I place it in my Top Ten list. What I like most is its originality & Homer’s voice apart from the social/family/relationship issues involved.

No. 9 – The Flintstones – After Adam & Eve, I guess it must be the Flintstones family. Created by Hanna-Barbera, this series revolves around the stone-age life story of Fred Flintstones, his family – wife ‘Welma’, daughter ‘Pebbles’, pet dinosaur, ‘Dino’ & friends/neighbours – Barney, Betty & their strong son, Bamm-Bamm. Very well done sketches, themes, and storylines – it’s a classic toon family that shares happiness, grief, struggles, relationships, work pressures so on. By the way, did I place this at No. 9??

No. 8 – The Road runner & Coyote – This chase is never ending one. You will watch it hoping Coyote will get to the Road runner some day but it doesn’t happen because it’s not meant to be. The life-long efforts of Coyote and the running speed of road runner are contradicting but it is highly appreciable that Coyote tries, tries again & tries like for eternity. Yet again, we see the duo – Chuck Jones & Mel Blanc at work behind these characters. Can Warner Bros. ever say “That’s all folks”?

No. 7 – Mickey mouse, Donald Duck & other Disney characters – Disney characters need not lose its charm amongst other competing toons as they have a solid presence and unique brand essence. With Disneyland and Disney channels, it’s certainly difficult to forget them. Among the likes of Goofy and Pluto, Minnie Mouse, Uncle Scrooge & his 3 nephews, the character I like is Chip & Dale. Walt Disney movies have also made their mark in animated movies around fairy tale characters.

No. 6 – Sylvester (with or without Tweety) – Another cat in the race, Sylvester – the black & white cat does so much activity that he is seen with many other characters especially Tweety bird & Sylvester junior. The grandma may have petted this cat, but Sylvester is an independent cat pretending to be intelligent as well. Again, with the magic voice of Mel Blanc, this character is very tweet… I mean sweet.

No. 5 – Scooby Doo & the Gang – The mysteries and weird places that Scooby, the dog and his human friends – Shaggy, Fred, Velma & Daphne enter into are really picturesque. With vibrant colours, nice sketches, background, music, voices, dialogues, there is only little that Scooby Doo series misses. Not to forget their van in which they travel places, it’s only a pity to see that costumes of the characters more or less remain the same.

No. 4 – Popeye – Give him Spinach and this sailor with a tattoo of anchor on his hand, will spin the world but won’t hurt you if you are good. Bluto, his enemy No. 1 tries to grab his lady love Olive oyl but doesn’t succeed as Popeye derives enormous strength from spinach to tackle Bluto. Some episodes were created so long back that it’s in black & white.

No. 3 – Garfield – Born lazy & always ready to eat or sleep is the motto of the Garfield, the pet cat of Jon Arbuckle. I wouldn’t ever call Garfield ‘fat’ because that’s his USP. He is chubby, cute, cunning, and can do anything for good food & good living that mostly includes undisturbed sleep. From Jim Davis’s created comic character to TV to movies, Garfield has come a long way.

No. 2 – Bugs Bunny – The bold & clever Bugs bunny with his catchy phrase “What’s up doc?” will capture audience immediately. He loves carrots and sometimes acts crazy which is never hard to believe…Bugs is a character that can act solo & Warner Bros. wouldn’t have minded that. We have seen Bugs with several characters especially with Elmer and Daffy duck.

No. 1 – Tom & Jerry – this original chase of all times between the good old Tom cat and Jovial Jerry mouse created by Chuck Jones and Mel Blanc tops my list of Top Ten Toons and will continue to stay there for eternity… Doesn’t matter if you have seen the episodes before… it’s a feel good factor always… This is the magic of Tom & Jerry cartoons.

Thank you & hope you too have your list of top ten cartoons that certainly should have some of these mentioned Toons.

‘First Impressions’

When you see someone for the first time, what is the first thing that occurs to you about that person? Is it their dressing, shoes, hair-style, eyes, colour, height, their smile etc. etc. When you meet somebody or you are introduced to a new person, is it the same aspects that you notice? If you meet that person once again in near future, would you remember that person’s name or would you remember the encounter or would you remember what your first impression about that person was?

Now, what could be the first impressions? And, how it may have been formed?

The answer to the first question is quite simple. Your first impression could be that of ‘Either you like the person or dislike the person or it’s a neutral feeling because you are yet to form your impression’.

The answer to the second question requires a little bit of elaboration. How the first impressions are formed can be derived from psychology, behavioural sciences, kinesics, social etiquettes and environmental analysis.

Or, it maybe as simple as your instinct… you need not have any reason to like or dislike a person. But, it takes sincerity and openness if you have to like a person whom you thought as dislikeable. Then, it also hurts to dislike a person whom you thought was likeable. Your instincts, intuition or that ‘gut feeling’ – simply put as ‘sub-conscious’ need not be always correct. It may keep you in a safe-guard mode. What you perceive may go against you.

On the other hand, if you have good first impressions of somebody, then you must have noticed certain aspects of yourself that you like and vice-versa. Forming first impressions may only be a reflection of own self.

To wrap up, ‘First impressions are first impressions… give scope for second, third, fourth impressions before you form a lasting impression of somebody.’

Remember to have a nice smile whether you are receiving the ‘First impressions’ or sending it across.  By the way, if you believe in ‘Love at First Sight’ that’s because of the “First Impressions”.

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