Caught Sleeping at Your Desk…? Try this!

Have you ever felt so sleepy during your office hours that you had to sleep on your desk or fear that you might die sleepless?? Don’t worry… Just go ahead and sleep your way…. And, in case, you get caught sleeping, all you need to do is pick any of these lines and deliver it well. Let’s check out these lines… shall we?

10.”My doctor told me the prescription drugs can cause this to happen at odd hours but it is normal.”

9.”This is just a 15 minute power nap like they raved about in that time management course HR had sent me to. It leads to creativity, you know!!”

8. “Boss accused me of day dreaming… so, as a challenge, I thought let me try to sleep and actually dream of something wonderful.”

7. “I wasn’t sleeping, I was restating our mission statement and visualizing our company’s progress!”

6. “This is the new Yoga therapy… it is somewhat like meditation!”

5. “Was I sleeping? Really… can’t believe it! Didn’t realize when that happened… The last thing I remember is I was writing this email to one of our difficult clients and could be… that time…”

4. “Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out an excellent solution to our biggest problem. Now, I have to recall what that was!”

3. “Do not blame me… My cat taught me this trick…! So, you’ve got to blame the cat…! ”

2. “Someone from the 7th floor must have put a sleeping pill in my water bottle… you know how much those 7th floor executives hate us…!”

1. ” …..in God’s name, Amen.” (With God, it always works and God won’t mind surely!)

Sweet Dreams! 🙂

 

What’s on your T-shirt?

Here’s a collection of T-shirt lines that can enhance your image [or spoil it]! You may have come across some of these while the rest should be really unique!

On the T-shirt (front):-

  1. Hell does not want me N I don’t want to be in heaven!
  2. Recession affects me also… I borrowed this one!
  3. I’m available… Conditions apply!
  4. I’m not totally useless… U can use me as a bad example.
  5. Take my advice… I am not using it anyways…!
  6. Take me… I’m easily recharged and affordable!
  7. As I said before, I do not REPEAT myself!
  8. At the end of the money, I have always some month left!!
  9. I started out with Nuthin… I still have most of it!
  10. My imaginary friend thinks you have mental problems…!
  11. Boredom is a syndrome I get and tend to pass it on!
  12. Don’t come close… I spread!
  13. Come closer… (in big text) U have to anyways, to read this! (written in small text)
  14. What’s my problem? YOU!
  15. Oops! You did it again!
  16. I am Ok… don’t know about you!
  17. I am a perfect idiot atleast! (with a smiley)
  18. My ATM has a mobile number! But, Dad rarely picks my call.
  19. Marriages are made in heaven… who’s spreading this?
  20. My pet name is U FOOL!
  21. You get out of my way or I will… (with a big smiley)
  22. Hello! What’s your size?
  23. Lucky you… You would have had me!
  24. Money is not my choice… Lend me some!
  25. I am too clever for U, so don’t bother me!
  26. Bored with life? Try me!
  27. I am committed… I committed suicide once!
  28. Gravity is a state of mind… You do fall when you are OFF!
  29. I am what you were looking for!
  30. If I am nobody, I am perfect.
  31. AM I YOUR TYPE? I BELONG TO ANY TYPE.
  32. What makes you think I am insane? Tell  me soon or I will take off my clothes & dance naked.
  33. I don’t like girls… I don’t like boys also!
  34. I love myself… & I can’t take it anymore!
  35. Hey, we are living! There are no aliens!
  36. Someday I will get lucky… till then I will wait!
  37. How gay is me? I dated myself!
  38. Hey gorgeous! (in big text) I say that to myself! (in small text)
  39. I wish I was invisible… but no one sees me anyways!
  40. You’ve got Problems? I will give one too…! (with a devilish kind of smiley)
  41. You are an idiot… me too… lets party.
  42. What is your problem? Girlfriend or no girlfriend?
  43. Have fun… it is easy!
  44. I am smart, sexy & you need to pay the bill.
  45. I am single, available and lovable!
  46. What is your problem, you inscrutable, disgusting, insensitive beast!
  47. Nothing tastes like ice-cream… & I am nothing!!
  48. Sure, let’s make it happen tonite!
  49. I never said never in my life! That’s never my policy & never my line!
  50. Who said earth is round? We are all dizzy, u know?
  51. I am totally worth your Money!
  52. I don’t drink & drive… if it’s my car!!
  53. People are funny… they take this personally!
  54. Note: I could be sleep-walking!
  55. Dare to hate me! 
  56. Reality is an illusion caused by alcohol deficiency (with a half-empty beer glass picture).
  57. Tomorrow is a Future… Live now.
  58. Death is an experience… I died once!
  59. Alright, I am sorry!! UNF**K YOU!
  60. If I was a geek I would have done nothing to impress U!
  61. I am a MESS! (Mighty Enormous Super Size)
  62. I work hard, day & night to get lazy!
  63. I am bad, mad & sad… not necessarily in the same order.
  64. I am Lost! Find me!
  65. Am I your lucky sign!
  66. I took over Hell! Wanna come?
  67. Rule No. 1 – I have no rules!
  68. I don’t do married!
  69. Who cares for a, e, o… let’s focus on i and u…
  70. Forget it… Forget you read this!

Go Naked to Work!!

TEN GREAT REASONS TO GO TO OFFICE NAKED….!

LET’S BEGIN IN THE REVERSE ORDER –

10. No one will ever dare to steal your chair again… they would be scared that you might spread nakedness!

9. You can show off your new tan & that tattoo which was always hidden. In case, you are trying for a six packs or a flat tummy that also will show. You can use this opportunity to show-off your new sneakers/sandals as well!

8. This will divert the attention from the fact that you came to work late & drunk apart from over-shooting deadlines & pending jobs.

7. Now, you can actually declare that you are a member of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) with all your sincerity & love for those naked animals.

6. You want to see how many will be inspired from you. This will test your popularity also.

5. It will stop those tech savvy IT guys/gals from looking down your blouse (or pants!).

4. “I’d love to contribute… but you know what, I left my wallet in my pants.” And, there is no question of lies here. It depicts your integrity levels and next time, people may forget to include you in fund-raising.

3. It’s a certain way to finally meet that ‘special’ person in the HR Department who by the way was not even aware of your existence (until now!).

2. You can take advantage of being photographed & pinned on the bulletin/notice boards. It is high time that others notice you & now the management can really consider you for the (much awaited) promotion.

And … this is it… the Number One reason to go to work naked:

1. Your boss will never say, “I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00 A.M. every morning!” ever again.

BONUS Reading:

Your Boss’s, management’s and HR’s  likely reactions to your coming naked to office –

a. If your Boss is a guy & u r also a guy then the Boss’s reaction is:

He will be jealous of your well maintained physique, toned muscles & your about to develop six packs. He will not fire you but you will definitely wish you were!!

b. If your Boss is a guy & u r a girl then his reaction is:

He will forget about all your mistakes, pending work, give you a good appraisal & then will tell you to join “Baywatch” and the like. Did you think he would actually admire you??? Maybe he will if he watches you in Baywatch. After all, he’s a man!

c. If your Boss is a lady & u r a guy then her reaction is:

She will observe everybody’s reactions & then ask you to give tips to her husband on how to be comfortable at being naked. If she’s unmarried, then well, she could play dirty with you provided you let her!

d. If your Boss is a lady & u r a girl then her reaction is:

First, she will compare her own body with yours. Then she will try to find out directly or indirectly what cosmetics & methods you use to maintain yourself. Next, she will consult with HR & see that you are fired on the basis that you used your charm to seduce male colleagues.

e. HR Department reactions:

They would feel that you have violated employee code of conduct & negatively affected the work environment. They would ask you to come for a discussion & check with you if you need any counseling support. All you have to do is –  ask them ‘where in the code of conduct manual is it written that an employee cannot come naked to office’ ? Of course, it wouldn’t be written explicitly anywhere.

If they negotiate with you on your pay or non-monetary benefits, take it as a positive step but stick to this one point – say, ‘you have not misused or broken any human rights or employee code’. Before the discussion ends, ensure that you have fixed the dinner date with that ‘special’ person.   

f. Management reaction:

Now that you put the management in a great dilemma, they wouldn’t respond to the situation immediately. After a week or so, you will certainly be called for a meeting and there, they would demand an explanation from you. You may not receive any memo or warnings, but then you have your trump card. There won’t be any meeting if you put a condition that you will attend this meeting posing ‘naked’ again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Humor can be sick but humor can relieve you from being sick… Keep Laughing and Have Fun! Thanks!

Get a ‘Break’

Everybody needs break… a break from the daily routines, a break from the demands of a relationship, a break from busy work schedules, a break from traffic blocks… it can go on, isn’t it? The key agenda here is ‘the need to break free…’ Everybody has a right to break free… we only need to determine ‘break free’ from what, whom, why, when, where and how. Yes, those 5W & 1 H questions has to be answered otherwise your breaking free isn’t going to yield the desired outcome. Of course, you need to decide on the outcome also… right? So, you need to know in advance whether your breaking free should bring you a fresh start, renewed & refreshed energy, new motivation to deal with the situations or simply cutting loose & coming back at it again & resume on-going efforts.

Should somebody ask “Define ‘break’ by the way”… This is a tricky one… Is it one minute, five minutes, one day, one week, two weeks or a month or maybe even a year? You will be surprised to know that we deal with ‘break’ throughout our life without realizing we are engaged in so many ‘breaking’ activities like –

We are either breaking the rules of an ineffective system OR unintentionally broken the law OR we are desperately trying to break the ice with certain individuals who are hard enough to fathom OR we make and break promises OR we have expectations that our favourite sportsperson/team will break the previous records OR it could be as simple as breaking open a tight jar in the kitchen.

We are waiting for a break-even point in our careers OR thinking hard upon the decision to break-up from our girl/boy friend OR we just look forward for the day to break and start off with a solid breakfast (You must be aware why breakfast is called so… after a good night’s sleep and when body is at rest, we break that fast with morning breakfast which is essential for the body and no one should miss ideally)

We are also scared if the other person initiates a break-up when we don’t want to and what if we break into tears then? What if we have no choice but to break another’s heart or our own? What if we were directly or indirectly involved in breaking apart another’s relationship? What if our intention was to break the bad news gently but our voice broke thinking about the possible breakdown that the other person may go through? What if we broke some intricate relationship code and it pierced through another’s heart like a broken arrow that’s still sharp enough to hurt?

Looks like we are either getting into a break or getting away from a break, isn’t it?  But, everybody is into it or out of it in different contexts like for instance –

A struggling film actor can say, “This movie will be my big break…”

A news channel anchor can say, “Sorry for interruption… there’s a breaking news…”

An ambitious tennis player can repeatedly say, “And, that’s the break point I needed…”

A miser worried about growing old can say, “There’s no way I will die broke…”

A calculative thief can say, “I will plan to break-in that house on the night after Christmas…”

A mischievous student may not say, “They made me break camp…”

A cautious property buyer may say, “Show me the break-up costs…”

When you go for lunch, its ‘lunch-break’

When you are not found at your work desk, it’s likely you are having, ‘coffee break’ or ‘loo break!’

When you are at the movie interval stage, its ‘movie break’

When you are watching a series of ads in the middle of your favorite TV program, its ‘commercial break’

THAT should be enough of breaks… this one’s a breaking blog with not so much of a breakthrough I guess!

Hope you got yourself a relaxing break…! Sometimes, there is a need to breakout from all the breaks of life… Get going…!

Message is Break free…!

Aside

Wordplays

You might be one of those people who love solving crossword puzzles or jumbled words or finding hidden words or just playing scrabble. If you are, probably you would even like to watch ‘Spelling Bee’ contests on TV or in case power goes off, you might even want to play the ‘memory game’ with your family or friends where you would be required to remember words stated by each one in the specific order from the start. The usual preference for this sort of game is being able to recall the names of countries/places but nevertheless they are words involving a particular pronunciation & sound when you say it.

When you are at it, do you keep scores in these word-plays mentioned above or you just enjoy doing them? Whatever it is, words are at play. Occasionally, you may have taken help from dictionaries, thesaurus or do spell-checks to find out actual spelling or just to know whether such & such word exists. Encryption or the art of coding letters/words though existed in the past is actually mind-boggling wordplay. Even the hidden messages in artwork, pictures, and symbols add to the mystery of amazing wordplays. The game of ‘Dumb Charades’ where one has to figure out what the other is saying through gestures may be more appealing than the game of ‘Passing the Secret’ but in both, wordplays are at work.

With so many social networking sites such as Facebook or Twitter, words such as ‘Unfriend’, ”Unfollow’, ‘Tweet’ have become quite popular while some other words such as ‘confirm’, ‘accept’, ‘request’, ‘like’, ‘tag’ so on have acquired a whole new meaning. Not to forget SMS texting & instant messages platforms which has given birth to several shortcut words such as ‘OMG’ (Oh My God), ‘BTW’ (By The Way or even used for Between), ‘GR8’ (Great), the list is quite too many to mention.

Now, the question is to determine the objective of these word-plays & word usages. Are you using them for educational value, as a challenge, stress-buster, recreation, fun, time-pass, and or style or is it because just everyone does it, so do you? Or in the case of social networking/SMS, is it to save time typing lengthy words or save cost per space? Or is it simply the trend followed by everybody? Amidst all these wordplays, I hope we wouldn’t be losing any language or the art of effective communication.

Cricket World Cup – Come, advertise all over(s)!

Let’s call this a game… Just count how many ads you were able to spot while watching the telecast of ODI cricket world cup match between any 2 teams… It covers all the advertisements that are shown in between overs, within an over, in the replays, during drinks break, during an injury, after a batsman is declared out, during the 3rd umpire decision… in short, wherever you could notice… it includes ads displayed at the boundaries, hoardings, banners & don’t forget the players’ uniforms/bats & also what the commentators say in the background! 

Now, you know what I meant…! Of course, why should anybody actually count all the ads…? Come on, we are watching a game of cricket here… it would definitely ‘irritate’ with all those ads creeping and sneaking on your TV screen desperate enough to catch your attention. It would be better if advertisers start earning consumer attention rather than bombarding them with ads anywhere & everywhere on the screen while the match is on…  Okay… now being the consumers that we are, we know that we are advertiser’s targets & that we rarely can escape ads… so, what do we do? Either you just take what you want & leave the rest of the clutter OR raise your voice & let the ASCI/concerned authorities know what is unacceptable.

Most will think of ignoring them but think again… these ads can do wonders by working at a subliminal level & advertisers know that. This is precisely why Cricket is an enormous playground for ads where brands attempt to compete, capitalize, contest, capture, captivate, conquer or simply charm the consumers. Yes, ads can bring in consumers who are annoyed & put forward their grievance but like it’s said, ‘Consumer memory is short-lived’ & they can be forgiving if they feel they are not taken for granted.

So now, the important question is “whether it’s about Cricket, Channels, Commercials or Consumers?” By the way, who will figure this out? The GAME is still on…

Ads – what do they mean?

What is an advertisement to an ordinary consumer? Whatever definitions given by Sir Philip Kotler, other marketing guru’s or any other authority, for a typical consumer, it’s just a message – with or without words, that’s delivered and for which the result maybe favorable, unfavorable, neutral or simply nil.

All of us live with ads because we are exposed to so many of them in so many ways that we chose to ignore some or we may not even realize that they were ads tossed at us.

Some of you maybe fed up with ads while some others may see them as entertaining particularly TV commercials. But, do the advertisers want their ads to be entertaining or bring them the profits in terms of higher sales?

Are ad makers playing with words by constantly changing tag lines, punch lines, brand logos, symbols, design, jingles and other ad appeals that may or may not involve words. For example,consider the following two ads of Apollo Munich Health Insurance seen on hoardings at prime locations – (& their tag being ‘Let’s uncomplicate’)

‘You’d rather watch a flop movie than think about a health insurance’ PAUSE. Think about it.

‘You’d rather read today’s horoscope than think about a health insurance’ PAUSE. Think about it.

Well, if I were to analyze this above textual content, I would say Insurance esp. in India is not at all an easy buy. Most people have to be pressured to take insurance. So, they would probably agree that they would watch a movie or read horoscope than think about insurance. The “AD Message” only says to think about it & consumers may think or chose not to think. There is no initiative for any decision. Besides, “Let’s uncomplicate” could be replaced with “Let’s make it simple.”

As an academician dealing with marketing related subjects and also as a consumer, the above points are  just my observation although the ad makers may have their own views & theories to support the ad message.

There are so many more ad messages out there that can mean anything to anyone. Its all about perception and the magic words that create a positive/negative/neutral effect. Will share more insights on advertising in my successive blogs. People may love advertisements but I love advertising… its fun and quite a learning.